holding

holding

I hold a cup of black tea in a Starbucks vintage mug; the tea is not their’s and tastes way better. There’s a chip on the cup. I should dispose of it but I chose not to.

I’m feeling a joyful glee in my heart cuz my partner returns home tomorrow. How four weeks has fast forward and slowed down all at once. I recall his warm soft lips and how they just fit mine.

I sit still as the sun beams down on my skin. It’s warm with a cool breeze reminding us winter is around the corner. The critical mind tells me to pull away (wrinkles, remember), but I don’t. Fly kisses from the sun reach the smile spreading across my cheeks.

I’m wondering if this is what they mean by “bliss”. This moment. On my own.
That hop-skip-and-a-jump feeling, that “skip to my lou my darling” pep to the step.
I try not to choke it; surrendering is a joy ride.

I sip.
Eyes closed.
Fly kisses to the sun and back.
Smiling.

best time is Now

This Chinese Proverb runs deep and addresses any walk of life.
We are all guilty of saying, “I’m too old/young/inexperienced/it’s too late, etc.
But guess what? It takes guts to follow your dreams and give it a try.
Fail, and then fail better.  #WednesdayWisdom

Chinese Proverb

animals

549141_642796145737726_801949160_n.jpgIt’s like the zoo when we watch animals.
Observing their natural behavior, well, as natural as you can get in a zoo.
She’s beautiful.
Fit, pleasant to look at.
She arouses.

Saturday morning
And I know what she must be thinking.
It’s swirling in her head like thick butter.
The, “Why did I do that?!” to the, “Well, that’s me.”
Yup, you’re right.
And we are all watching.
You gave us no other choice.

She’s not malicious.
She’s not intentionally doing it.
It’s in her nature.
Like an animal.

I imagine her sending texts to everyone, “Thank you soooooo much!!!!”
Too many ooooooo and too many “!!!!!”
Too many and yet not enough to cleanse away that… hiccup? Step back? Mistake?

Life goes on, habits play out, the story hasn’t ended.
All in natural form.
Like animals in a zoo.

wiggle room

wiggle room

FADE IN:

So…I’m leaving in a month, and I cannot take my clients with me.

What? That’s insane.

In order to graduate, I need to also work with teenagers so I’m moving to another facility full time.

Wait. Slow down. What’s going on?

I’m leaving. And I can’t take you with me.

This seems really sudden. How long have you known about this?

What are you feeling right now, what is this bringing up?

Claire, have you known about this for a while?

[beat]

Would it have changed anything?

Yes! Damn straight. Your decisions affect us, they affect me. Regardless of building boundaries between client and therapist – I’m in your life. And you left me in the dark.

Continue reading

who cares

Who gives a fuck?
What for?
What experience do you seek?
It’s been too long.
There’s a gap.
You’re on the other side of it.

Really? Why?
Move on.
You’re late.
You never arrived.
Everything everyone says is true.
Listen to them.

Stop while you’re ahead.
The market is saturated.
Oh my god, there you go again.
Let it go.
That’s not you.

It was a stupid idea, anyway.
It didn’t have legs.
You’re not ready.
That someone else’s idea, that’s already happened.

Forgot that shit, let’s do something fun.
Let’s go out.
Let’s go get a drink.
I wanna binge watch that show.
You have to come with me.
This is better.

ball of rubber bands

A group:

“I’m exhausting. I have so much I want to do with my life, it kind of chokes me and then it’s like, I don’t want to even get off the couch.”

“I can’t sleep at night. My mind races on how fast time has gone and the little I’ve accomplished.”

“My goals are simple but they are a lot! If only I had a team of people helping me.”

“How do I pay the rent and do what I love? I’m so tired at the end of the day that the idea of ‘creating’ thereafter makes me want to curl up in a ball and sleep. Or drink wine.”

“I don’t know how to begin. I feel like there’s too much to do and I don’t know how to start. It’s like a ball of rubber bands I need to untangle one by one.”

“It’s not what I want to do.”

“I’m doing this to supplement money, to make a kind of soft income for the future. But it’s taking so long to get off the ground that I’m not creating anymore.”

“It’s like to be an entrepreneur you have to master the areas of your life you can’t hire yet.”

“I have the best of intentions in the morning and then that all washes away by the afternoon.”

Our minds are a powerful thing.
Do more to get more, it says.
Not really. Not at all.
Here’s where the trust comes in.

What if you’re exactly where you’re meant to be?
That you’re right on time, right on schedule?
That the only thing that’s lacking is trust…

What does trust mean to YOU?