holding

holding

I hold a cup of black tea in a Starbucks vintage mug; the tea is not their’s and tastes way better. There’s a chip on the cup. I should dispose of it but I chose not to.

I’m feeling a joyful glee in my heart cuz my partner returns home tomorrow. How four weeks has fast forward and slowed down all at once. I recall his warm soft lips and how they just fit mine.

I sit still as the sun beams down on my skin. It’s warm with a cool breeze reminding us winter is around the corner. The critical mind tells me to pull away (wrinkles, remember), but I don’t. Fly kisses from the sun reach the smile spreading across my cheeks.

I’m wondering if this is what they mean by “bliss”. This moment. On my own.
That hop-skip-and-a-jump feeling, that “skip to my lou my darling” pep to the step.
I try not to choke it; surrendering is a joy ride.

I sip.
Eyes closed.
Fly kisses to the sun and back.
Smiling.

The fox and the tiger

Be the Tiger

A man walking through the forest saw a fox that had lost its legs and wondered how it lived.

Then he saw a tiger with game in its mouth approach the fox. The tiger ate its fill and left the rest of the meat for the fox. The next day the man watched as the tiger again fed the fox with leftover meat.

The man began to wonder about God’s greatness and said to himself, “I, too, shall just rest in a corner with full trust in God who will provide me with all I need.”

He did this for many days but nothing happened, and he was almost at death’s door when he heard a voice say, “Oh you who are in the path of error, open your eyes to the truth! Follow the example of the tiger and stop imitating the disabled fox.”

in a million years

in a million years

Nebula stars in the galaxy.

Sunday best.
Comfy pants, oversized shirt, tea in hand, silence.
The place is deserted.
Besides the laundry spinning its final cycle.
10am.
Wow, what to do with this glorious day?

Excitement is enmeshed with overwhelm.
There’s a TON to do.
But what do I WANT to do?

“Take your Sunday off.”
Do active nothings.
Like, yoga, massage, vacuum.
Keep your mind restful, and don’t feel like you have to do anything.

A friend of mine just came back from a retreat.
The teacher would say, “In a million years, slowly raise your body from the ground and sit up, if you wish.”

In a million years…

If you wish…

I repeat it in my mind.
Already my body softens. Eyes close. Space, so subtle, breathes more space.

So, in a million years, what do you do today?

In a million years, I will get another cuppa tea.
In a million years, I will figure out what yoga class to take.
In a million years, I may call Apple and get my computer sorted.

In a million years, I will wait to feel what happens next.

turmeric

Turmeric Tea

He stays in his crate.
Hot water boils.
Sleep is in air.
It’s quiet, except for cars whizzing like the drone of a white noise machine.

I reuse old tea bags.
Kill me.
Tea warms my chin as I type.
I breathe in the earthy smell of turmeric and ginger.

I am thinking stillness.
I am watching the heart carefully open its windows.
I must remain still, allow Grace to unfold.
Or do I disturb it? Say, “This is me! Look at me!”

Well, how much of that noise is actually me?
What am I feeling?
Ok, I am nervous. Anxious.
Heart palpitating with nerves.
Hey, nerves aren’t bad, they can be the positive side of the coin.

It’s so nice to sit here.
The day has yet to begin…
The possibilities are endless.
Turmeric, ginger, stillness, sleepy dogs, a house asleep.

August green corn moon

August Green Corn Moon

Some Native American tribes called the August Moon the “Sturgeon Moon” because they knew that the sturgeon of the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain were most readily caught during this Full Moon. They also called August’s Moon the “Full Green Corn Moon.”

Ok, Green Corn Moon, here goes:

I let go of anxiety.

I let go of perfection.

I let go of force.

I cultivate trust.

I cultivate purpose.

I cultivate facing those demons.

Your turn.
Liza Fernandez

animals

549141_642796145737726_801949160_n.jpgIt’s like the zoo when we watch animals.
Observing their natural behavior, well, as natural as you can get in a zoo.
She’s beautiful.
Fit, pleasant to look at.
She arouses.

Saturday morning
And I know what she must be thinking.
It’s swirling in her head like thick butter.
The, “Why did I do that?!” to the, “Well, that’s me.”
Yup, you’re right.
And we are all watching.
You gave us no other choice.

She’s not malicious.
She’s not intentionally doing it.
It’s in her nature.
Like an animal.

I imagine her sending texts to everyone, “Thank you soooooo much!!!!”
Too many ooooooo and too many “!!!!!”
Too many and yet not enough to cleanse away that… hiccup? Step back? Mistake?

Life goes on, habits play out, the story hasn’t ended.
All in natural form.
Like animals in a zoo.