beep bop boop

Beep Bop Boop

FADE IN: girl on the phone, fidgeting with her hair.

Everyone is outta whack right now.

She sighs.

Like, weird phone calls coming in, wrong emails going out. It’s a THANG. You heard about the eclipsed full moon chaos, yeah?

Puzzled look.

It’s just chaos right now – kids acting outta whack, drama all up and down, mind racing – it’s very eclipsy. You know?

She sighs.

I got a week before I go back to classroom life. What the fuck did I do with this time? Time races on, you know. But, like. What the fuck. Beep, bop, boop, I’ll get my shit together.

You know what? I need to lock myself away for like… 5 days straight. Eat canned food and skull old water and just let my creativity burn. Burn, baby, burn! Let’s it rip. Right now I’m just so occupied with this eclipsy feeling. It’s eating at my LIFE. Like, my time, my attention, my diet, my you know. LIFE.

Yeah. One week, baby. Burn it to the gills. Wait. Is that a thing?

She chuckles.

Sounds like something you’d say, right?

The person on the other end chuckles. 

UGH. Ok. Let’s do this, already.  

the path

the path

HE: I just got back!

SHE: Ah! Beirut! How was it?

HE: Insane, four long months, but so much fun.

SHE: I can only imagine. How was New Mexico?!

HE: Soooo good, great to see the fam. It’s been a minute.

SHE: Aw, that’s so good. Tell me all about Beirut!

She looks at him, through him, in awe.
She eases her envious heart by recalling their conversation from a year ago:

“Build references you’re going to need them. How? Do everything you can think of Now. Before you get busy, before the work comes in hard and heavy, before it all changes.
Go to museums, listen to music, fuck everyone, try every kind of food. Do it all, but all the while: keep. going.
Cuz suddenly, it goes from some times to all the time, and then your schedule is booked 2 years in advance.”

Trust.
Faith.
Stay on the path.

kodak kinda thing

90s sprinklers

We’re too far away from the pools.
Mum unfolds the sprinkler in the backyard and lets us play in the water.
My brother loves this shit.
He squeals with delight and makes sure I watch his latest Street Fighter moves.
Hee-yaa!

It’s hot with a cool breeze, the only way Melbourne summer can get, up and down like a bipolar off meds.
I feel the warm mud under my feet, I play with it between my toes.
Squish, squish.

“Liza, I just did it for you!”
I turn to appease my brother, “Ok, do it again.”
How’s mum going to get this wet grass off the floor inside?
My brother karate chops the water in midair, “Did you see that?” he screams.
“Awesome stuff!” I tell him.

Somewhere around there…
I know I will remember this moment.
I know it’s going to be a Kodak kinda thing.
I know it’ll warm my heart later in life.

My dog stops to sniff a sprawling plant taking up way too much space on the sidewalk.
I’m judging the house owner when suddenly –
I hear the sprinkler and turn around like you would an old friend calling you from down the street.
There it is oscillating from left to right, 80s eat your heart out!
And just like that…
I see my brother’s karate moves, I hear his squeals, I feel the mud between my toes.

 

green corn moon

August Green Corn Moon

Some Native American tribes called the August Moon the “Sturgeon Moon” because they knew that the sturgeon of the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain were most readily caught during this Full Moon. They also called August’s Moon the “Full Green Corn Moon.”

Ok, Green Corn Moon, here goes:

I let go of anxiety.

I let go of perfection.

I let go of force.

I cultivate trust.

I cultivate purpose.

I cultivate facing those demons.

Your turn.
Liza Fernandez

animals

549141_642796145737726_801949160_n.jpgIt’s like the zoo when we watch animals.
Observing their natural behavior, well, as natural as you can get in a zoo.
She’s beautiful.
Fit, pleasant to look at.
She arouses.

Saturday morning
And I know what she must be thinking.
It’s swirling in her head like thick butter.
The, “Why did I do that?!” to the, “Well, that’s me.”
Yup, you’re right.
And we are all watching.
You gave us no other choice.

She’s not malicious.
She’s not intentionally doing it.
It’s in her nature.
Like an animal.

I imagine her sending texts to everyone, “Thank you soooooo much!!!!”
Too many ooooooo and too many “!!!!!”
Too many and yet not enough to cleanse away that… hiccup? Step back? Mistake?

Life goes on, habits play out, the story hasn’t ended.
All in natural form.
Like animals in a zoo.

shapeshifter

Hourglass Shapeshifter

I’ve been waiting for what feels like, days.
How time is eternal, and what a shape-shifter.
Did I hurt you?
Was it bad timing?
Do you hate me?
Has all of this time become for naught?

I wait.
You on my mind. All day.
My heart is in anticipation.
Making up a multitude of endings.
She will say this.
No, she will yell.
No, she will ignore me forever.

You have carved your name on these last 5 years.
Five years…
The longest I’ve ever had.
I hope it hurts.
I hope I’ve made a dent.
I hope you tear up like I did.

An hour glass.
Delicate. Smash. Cut.
Hold me.
I am afraid.
I am excited.
I am waiting for this chapter to end.
Please be Grace. Please be Glorious.

on freedom

on freedom

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. Confined to a small cell without a bed or plumbing, he was forced to do hard labor in a quarry. He could write and receive a letter once every six months, and once a year he was allowed to meet with a visitor for only 30 minutes.

After his release, he said: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

__
Light Watkins