The day has come.
My man returns.
Like a marathoner, I have ripped through the silk ribbon finale.
Ok, now give me my medallion.
The fear of going at this kid alone.
The fear of having to entertain, maintain, and remain a diligent parent –
The fear of him take, take, taking from me –
It lives larger in my head.
When are you gonna realize, he’s a good boy.
A kind, generous, loving, boy.
No high maintenance here.
And yet, I keep thinking he’ll take, take, take from me.
Continue reading “take take take”
FADE IN: two surfers.
“I found this note on my phone that I never wrote.”
“What do you mean?”
“A notepad-note-thingie that said, ‘Things are getting interesting.’ Like, what the fuck?”
“I feel like I’m getting my identity stolen.”
“You would know if that was happening. You also get shit-faced a lot, so there’s that.”
“Yeah. There’s this guy in the music business who sent me an email with a legal document attached that said, ‘You better get yourself a good lawyer, see you in court.’ Like, what the fuck did I do? It haunted me. I got off Facebook, Twitter, everything.”
“Don’t let ass-fucks like that get in your way. Fuckin’ idiots, the lot of ’em.”
“I don’t know. There’s like, some darkness inside, you know.”
He rubs his chest.
And then: “Do you believe in Jesus?”
Continue reading “Find Magdalena”
Walk into the darkness.
Don’t look back at your ghost, it’ll never serve you.
What once was, is no longer.
Step up, meet it, match it, expand it.
I stood stunned.
Who are you to tell me this?
How dare you.
How dare your courage, your groundedness, your skill, your success.
How dare your reason, your age, your wisdom, your heart.
Continue reading “step up/meet it/match it/expand it”
Heavy foot, right left.
Trying to shrug it off.
Get over it, just do it.
Flashes of humiliation.
Two sides, one coin.
No one is right.
Yet it feels so real.
Get out there, get out of your head.
Do it over and over.
Fail and fail better.
I am visited by doubt.
I am visited by weight.
I am visited by the Ghost of Comparison, who rears its lion head.
Continue reading “slow motion”
Comfy pants, oversized shirt, tea in hand, silence.
The place is deserted.
Besides the laundry spinning its final cycle.
Wow, what to do with this glorious day?
Excitement is enmeshed with overwhelm.
There’s a TON to do.
But what do I WANT to do?
“Take your Sunday off.”
Do active nothings.
Like, yoga, massage, vacuum.
Keep your mind restful, and don’t feel like you have to do anything.
Continue reading “in a million years”
She’s beautiful to look at.
I try to ignore this as I listen.
Her fragrance wafts over me like steam.
“It’s oil,” she says, “Everyone is wearing it.”
I breathe it in, as I do her.
Is what I sense when she speaks.
Sure, it’s the move/LA/making friends/figuring it out/living a new —
I sniff her out with every moment, like a cat to a passing dog.
She plays with my hair.
God, that feels good.
Continue reading “danger”
FADE IN: girl on the phone, fidgeting with her hair.
Everyone is outta whack right now.
Like, weird phone calls coming in, wrong emails going out. It’s a THANG. You heard about the eclipsed full moon chaos, yeah?
It’s just chaos right now – kids acting outta whack, drama all up and down, mind racing – it’s very eclipsy. You know?
Continue reading “beep bop boop”