beep bop boop

Beep Bop Boop

FADE IN: girl on the phone, fidgeting with her hair.

Everyone is outta whack right now.

She sighs.

Like, weird phone calls coming in, wrong emails going out. It’s a THANG. You heard about the eclipsed full moon chaos, yeah?

Puzzled look.

It’s just chaos right now – kids acting outta whack, drama all up and down, mind racing – it’s very eclipsy. You know?

She sighs.

I got a week before I go back to classroom life. What the fuck did I do with this time? Time races on, you know. But, like. What the fuck. Beep, bop, boop, I’ll get my shit together.

You know what? I need to lock myself away for like… 5 days straight. Eat canned food and skull old water and just let my creativity burn. Burn, baby, burn! Let’s it rip. Right now I’m just so occupied with this eclipsy feeling. It’s eating at my LIFE. Like, my time, my attention, my diet, my you know. LIFE.

Yeah. One week, baby. Burn it to the gills. Wait. Is that a thing?

She chuckles.

Sounds like something you’d say, right?

The person on the other end chuckles. 

UGH. Ok. Let’s do this, already.  

see what happens next

two-men-sitting-on-a-scaffold-overlooking-manhattan-nat-herz.jpg

A: Five years, man.

B: I get it.

A: My longest job ever.

B: I’ve never stuck around anywhere for 5 years.

A: You see what I mean?

B: Yeah dude.

A: I’m feeling things.

A: There’s, like, space now. Inside.

B: Uh-huh.

A: Like. I don’t know what’s coming next. And that scares me.

B: Maybe you don’t have to.

A: Do what?

B: Do something.

A: Yeah. But. Nothing’ll come otherwise. I’ll be forgotten.

B [laughs]: Says who?

A: Me.

B [laughs]: Who’ll forget you?

A: Everyone.

B: No one remembers you now, dude!

A: Shuttup.

[B laughs]

B: Space is good, man. Don’t fill it just ‘cuz. See what happens next.

FADE OUT.

shapeshifter

Hourglass Shapeshifter

I’ve been waiting for what feels like, days.
How time is eternal, and what a shape-shifter.
Did I hurt you?
Was it bad timing?
Do you hate me?
Has all of this time become for naught?

I wait.
You on my mind. All day.
My heart is in anticipation.
Making up a multitude of endings.
She will say this.
No, she will yell.
No, she will ignore me forever.

You have carved your name on these last 5 years.
Five years…
The longest I’ve ever had.
I hope it hurts.
I hope I’ve made a dent.
I hope you tear up like I did.

An hour glass.
Delicate. Smash. Cut.
Hold me.
I am afraid.
I am excited.
I am waiting for this chapter to end.
Please be Grace. Please be Glorious.

on freedom

on freedom

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. Confined to a small cell without a bed or plumbing, he was forced to do hard labor in a quarry. He could write and receive a letter once every six months, and once a year he was allowed to meet with a visitor for only 30 minutes.

After his release, he said: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

__
Light Watkins

a solid goodbye

a solid goodbye

Feel from the inside, she tells me.
Dive in.
It may mean breathing differently.
Close the door from the world and give it a few seconds longer to “log in”.
Stop from feeling through the mind, that doesn’t work.
Feel from the inside.
The guts, your innards.

She’s leaving me.
I definitely feel that.
The heart aches, the mind ever-so proud, the revenge pulsates.
But what for? And who cares?
Nothing changes what’s to come, she’s leaving me.

Stop being so dramatic.

These last 2 years have been beyond my expectations.
She’s taught me so much, I am a better person because of her.
Come on, give her the gift of a solid goodbye.
One that doesn’t require worry,
One that doesn’t take our relationship and truncates it in her mind, like cancer.
But instead one blossoms her heart open. Cracks it far and wide.
That she may think of me in the future with joy and pride.

Throw out the toxicity.
Leave this connection a better person.
At least for her.

wiggle room

wiggle room

FADE IN:

So…I’m leaving in a month, and I cannot take my clients with me.

What? That’s insane.

In order to graduate, I need to also work with teenagers so I’m moving to another facility full time.

Wait. Slow down. What’s going on?

I’m leaving. And I can’t take you with me.

This seems really sudden. How long have you known about this?

What are you feeling right now, what is this bringing up?

Claire, have you known about this for a while?

[beat]

Would it have changed anything?

Yes! Damn straight. Your decisions affect us, they affect me. Regardless of building boundaries between client and therapist – I’m in your life. And you left me in the dark.

I asked my superiors when should I tell my clients and they advised me to tell them a month in advance.

Well, your superiors suck. We are not numbers or statistics, we are human beings and each week we come here and pour our hearts to you. I would’ve preferred if you had told me when you made that decision.

I understand. Please know I care about our relationship a lot.

Yeah well. Your actions tell me otherwise.

Why do you say that?

You’re leaving! And with no wiggle room. Zero options. Zip, nada.

When was the last time you’ve felt like this?

Don’t do that. I have every right to say this sucks right now.

You’re right.

[beat]

Would it have made a difference?

I don’t know.

We still have three weeks to process.

You mean three hours.

I wanted to tell you last week.

Ok, we would’ve had four hours then.
I don’t know if we should continue, whether we should keep talking. I mean, there’s an expiration date.

Yes. Please know I would like to.

I mean, I asked you at the beginning if your status was temporary and you said no.

I couldn’t predict the future.

[beat]

I think the one month notice is for normal therapists. But you are exceptional. Your clients deserve at least two months.

[tears]

FADE OUT.