FADE IN: two women sit facing the ocean.
It was 5 days of hell. You don’t even know. And we’re not even completely out of it yet. I can never tell anyone what we’ve done. I mean, this is unorthodox in America. Oh, it kills me. We’ve had to endure this alone, not even my mother wanted a part of it. Listening to him ugly cry for up to 40 minutes before we could intervene – it sounds like I’m torturing my child, but believe me there’s a method to the madness. Five days and then he finally slept through the night. I wanted to run in and stop this, smother him with all my love, but that would push us back to square one. I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing. I blamed that Nazi sleep trainer every day. But I did what she asked. God, she’s tough.
She had to be or you wouldn’t get through it.
I think she’s Argentinian but she has a German accent, I swear she does. She was relentless and so unempathetic. But her methods worked. Five days and now he sleeps 12 hours straight.
And how’s he doing?
Great! So much better. He’s so happy now and energized when he’s awake.
He was so cranky at first —
— Yeah, that’s cuz he wasn’t sleeping. We both weren’t.
He’s a trouper.
You know, this experience has shaken me. If it took him 5 days to completely rearrange a structure that was in place since birth; five days to change his life and he did it? Imagine what we’re capable of. If we only just commit. This little boy is an example that there really is no excuses.
Yup. Can you sleep through the night?
Not yet. I’m still worried I’ve done something wrong. I hope that changes..
We celebrate my beautiful man’s birthday today.
I wrote this poem when we first met.
I haven’t changed my mind on any of it.
Happy birthday, my love.
He’s quite the badass.
He’s a rebel and he’s the too cool for school.
He’s behind the crowd, he’s the slow walker, he’s the leader of the pack without trying to be.
He’s the sage and the delinquent in one.
He’s the joker, the enigma, the shadow, and then also the ray that seeps in slowly, ever so slowly, before blasting up the room.
Oh, the ever present, Sun. The Son.
He walks into a space and, “All Hail Caesar!”
But he doesn’t like that.
Maybe he doesn’t hear it?
Could be that he tries to ignore it.
I mean, come on, it’s only natural.
Stupid me, should’ve known.
Continue reading “happy birthday [boom poem for lover]”
This go around,
We were two ships passing.
Trying so hard to meet at the corner of familiarity, tradition, “then”.
I love her.
Family that was #1 and now is, well, tertiary.
Life has changed.
Time has contracted, in and out, without our even knowing it.
Before our eyes.
While we were distracted.
The natural order of things…
Continue reading “the natural order”
What does it mean to trust?
How much do you trust your own voice?
How much do you trust that the Universe has your back?
How much do you trust that you’re right on time, right on schedule?
I heard something about trust recently: imagine working towards your goals for 6 days a week. And then on the 7th, letting God/Universe/Nature do its thang. Like “Nature’s Day”, but weekly. Where Nature takes your hard earned energy/focus and like seeds of a plant, adds Her magical touch so your plant grows rich and strong. And glorious.
Work for 6. Rest on the 7th. Cuz you undoubtedly know Nature will be taking care of you.
Continue reading ““Eek!” moments”
Wise words from the Buddhist master, Thích Nhất Hạnh:
“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”
He’s a boy, about 12 years old. He’s a dreamer, a big fat dreamer. He spends his days looking up lost in the clouds thinking one day he’ll reach them, he’ll conquer them.
His parents never shun this idea, if anything they encourage it. They look up alongside him and whisper, “You’re going to make it. One day it’ll all be yours.” He inhales motivation, excitement, pride; he exhales a heavy sigh; thinks Olympic in scale, tsunami in strength. No one can stop me!
This energy like lightning spirals through his body and like a dog’s zoomie, it explodes in every direction of a small four-walled room with a window. He runs himself around this room building sweat, strength and some kind of stamina. In the process, releases some kind of anxiety, pressure, expectation. And then like a dog, he konks, falls flat and sleeps…dreams again.
“You’re going to make it. One day it’ll all be yours. Think big in this world. Stick to your goal, keep the goal in sight.”
Continue reading “zoomies”