FADE IN: Anne Ferney (18) and Jaquila Gilmore (16) drinking Dr. Pepper:
A: And that’s when her mom started rattin’ around Wilkinsburg going around to people’s houses, “Is my son here?” I am, like, oh my god, I don’t want ever for our family to experience that. You could see in her face that she was scared.
J: My dad. First, he’s the first one to call me. And then my mom called me. And then my best friend called me and, I didn’t know what happened.
A: The news keeps sayin’ they had an Automatic AK and I’m just thinking it couldn’t be an AK cuz they kept hearin’ the shots go off so you know he kept pulling the trigger.
J: How you actually know that, just blew my mind but OK.
A: It sounds like first person let their clip go and the second person let their clip go. They say eight people got shot. Cuz first on the news they say, “Ok, four people got shot.” The next thing you know five people comin’ up dead. I’m like, yo, they just changed from four people shot, five people shot dead, eight people shot, like. And then they brought the little baby out, like, there was kids in that house. And one of the girls was pregnant. Basically, it was six people that died. If you want to be technical.
J: I don’t know who she is, but she was pregnant and she was shot. I’m like, this is cray-zy. I gotta get out the hood, cuz this is too much.
A: My senior year, I’m tryin’ to go to Florida cuz you can graduate with a trade.
I feel like I can run 10 miles
And then eat a cake, straight out of the singing bowl of Rage
Mind spouting obscenities
How did it come to this?
Why am I shooting off the mouth like a loose canon
spiraling through the atmosphere?
Where’s grace, goddamnit?
It’s about not being listened to
It’s about not being taken into account
It’s about blame
Doing it wrong
Get off –
Continue reading “singing bowl of rage”
FADE IN: two at lunch.
She: It’s like the texture of smoke.
She: You can see smoke even though it’s translucent.
She: That’s how it felt. It’s there but not.
He: Dark but translucent.
She: Uh-huh. I guess that’s progress, right?
He: I would say. It was way worse before…
She: I know… I still feel the darkness, though.
He: I’m sure that doesn’t go away. I mean, not right away.
She: It can get scary.
He: So, why don’t you call me?
She: I wanted to but for some reason, I couldn’t.
She: Weird how that happens; we’re mute but screaming for help.
He: I get it.
I love you oceans.
She says, not just to me.
It’s hard to hear from her.
It’s like the sting from rubbing alcohol.
Why didn’t I matter?
No return phone call.
The worst punishment.
Punishable by death.
And I’m in the chair.
Talented, skinny, sexy, confident, fun, adventurous, a killer IG account.
I know, superficial, but JesusChrist does that count in my brain.
Pride envelopes me.
Fuck you, on heated lips, on repeat.
Thick black ash in my heart.
Those things work.
Don’t be a child.
I mean it!
What is this, medieval times?
More like blessings beyond reach, an avalanche.
I wish you,
Cuz you’re fuckin’ talented and I love you.
I love you.
FADE IN: two surfers.
“I found this note on my phone that I never wrote.”
“What do you mean?”
“A notepad-note-thingie that said, ‘Things are getting interesting.’ Like, what the fuck?”
“I feel like I’m getting my identity stolen.”
“You would know if that was happening. You also get shit-faced a lot, so there’s that.”
“Yeah. There’s this guy in the music business who sent me an email with a legal document attached that said, ‘You better get yourself a good lawyer, see you in court.’ Like, what the fuck did I do? It haunted me. I got off Facebook, Twitter, everything.”
“Don’t let ass-fucks like that get in your way. Fuckin’ idiots, the lot of ’em.”
“I don’t know. There’s like, some darkness inside, you know.”
He rubs his chest.
And then: “Do you believe in Jesus?”
Continue reading “Find Magdalena”
Walk into the darkness.
Don’t look back at your ghost, it’ll never serve you.
What once was, is no longer.
Step up, meet it, match it, expand it.
I stood stunned.
Who are you to tell me this?
How dare you.
How dare your courage, your groundedness, your skill, your success.
How dare your reason, your age, your wisdom, your heart.
Continue reading “step up/meet it/match it/expand it”
She’s beautiful to look at.
I try to ignore this as I listen.
Her fragrance wafts over me like steam.
“It’s oil,” she says, “Everyone is wearing it.”
I breathe it in, as I do her.
Is what I sense when she speaks.
Sure, it’s the move/LA/making friends/figuring it out/living a new —
I sniff her out with every moment, like a cat to a passing dog.
She plays with my hair.
God, that feels good.
Continue reading “danger”