take take take

Jackie Robinson

We survived!
The day has come.
My man returns.
Like a marathoner, I have ripped through the silk ribbon finale.
Ok, now give me my medallion.

The fear of going at this kid alone.
The fear of having to entertain, maintain, and remain a diligent parent –
The fear of him take, take, taking from me –
Guess what?

It lives larger in my head.

When are you gonna realize, he’s a good boy.
A kind, generous, loving, boy.
No high maintenance here.
And yet.
And yet, I keep thinking he’ll take, take, take from me.

Just maintain the essentials.
Food, exercise, love, sun, sleep
Wash, rinse, repeat.
And me?
Food, exercise, love, sun, sleep, Art, repeat.
One significant difference here.

Well, maybe not.
Maybe his antler is his Art.
Chipping away everyday.
From antler to peddle-size stump.
Consistency is key. 
Thanks for the tip, Mr. Jackie Robinson.

happy birthday [boom poem for lover]

happy birthday, my love

We celebrate my beautiful man’s birthday today.
I wrote this poem when we first met.
I haven’t changed my mind on any of it.

Happy birthday, my love.

He’s quite the badass.
He’s a rebel and he’s the too cool for school.
He’s behind the crowd, he’s the slow walker, he’s the leader of the pack without trying to be.
He’s the sage and the delinquent in one.
He’s the joker, the enigma, the shadow, and then also the ray that seeps in slowly, ever so slowly, before blasting up the room.

Oh, the ever present, Sun. The Son.

He walks into a space and, “All Hail Caesar!”
But he doesn’t like that.
Maybe he doesn’t hear it?
Could be that he tries to ignore it.
I mean, come on, it’s only natural.
Stupid me, should’ve known.

He doesn’t try. He allows all to just be.
He wants to be my Savior, the good spirit in my life, but then he also drags down the rose-colored curtains.
Shoves my face closer to the ever complicated, but neatly organized, brightly-colored (never grays or lights!) and intricate onion-skins, of life.

“Look deep,” he asks of me.
Demands of me.
Softly. Kindly. Delicately.
Skin.
Hot breath.
Touch me.

He’s quite the spirit, keeps me on my toes.
Keeps me thinking and reflecting, and then questioning, and then doubting, and then pondering, and then questioning, and then asking, and then thinking again.

His presence wafts in without your notice.
You inhale him long enough to gain shape of his recognition.
Exhale, everyone.
And then BOOM.
Like, that —

He’s gone.

danger

danger

She’s beautiful to look at.
I try to ignore this as I listen.
Her fragrance wafts over me like steam.
“It’s oil,” she says, “Everyone is wearing it.”
I breathe it in, as I do her.

Danger.

Is what I sense when she speaks.
Sure, it’s the move/LA/making friends/figuring it out/living a new —
Danger.
I sniff her out with every moment, like a cat to a passing dog.
She plays with my hair.

God, that feels good.

Shame brews.
I haven’t washed in days. Well, not a real shower.
I must smell like dog.
And we went hiking to boot.
Dry land, high temperatures and mounting sweat (blame summer).
My womanhood out the window/I should’ve shaved.

Her make up is soft.
Her lips natural.
Her smile just off reach.
Her eyes… calculating.

I ask for another glass of red.

shapeshifter

Hourglass Shapeshifter

I’ve been waiting for what feels like, days.
How time is eternal, and what a shape-shifter.
Did I hurt you?
Was it bad timing?
Do you hate me?
Has all of this time become for naught?

I wait.
You on my mind. All day.
My heart is in anticipation.
Making up a multitude of endings.
She will say this.
No, she will yell.
No, she will ignore me forever.

You have carved your name on these last 5 years.
Five years…
The longest I’ve ever had.
I hope it hurts.
I hope I’ve made a dent.
I hope you tear up like I did.

An hour glass.
Delicate. Smash. Cut.
Hold me.
I am afraid.
I am excited.
I am waiting for this chapter to end.
Please be Grace. Please be Glorious.

making movies be like…

BTS-Sunset-Boulevard-2-ws-1280x956

Sweating through shirts!

Hitting the pillow at 2am

Laughing through tears!

Canned food for breakfast.

Worn out keyboard!

Facing your fears, Every. Moment.

Hearing NO and doing it anyway!

Listening to “Onto The Next One” by Jay Z, on repeat

Talking about the equipment list with the door open as you pee!

Zoom meetings over Zoom meetings over Zoom meetings

Feeling like a baby is birthing all day, every day!

Using creative inventions when resources are for naught

Saying thank you, a zillion times, to everyone who’s said, “Yes, I’ll be there.”

Meeting minutes, agenda items, tasks, due dates, reminders, alerts, on repeat!

Being swung around by Creativity, as we dance at the edge of a mountain

Looking at the dog and remember we’re still loved!

Exhilaration, x 10.