always you

I have known you for years.
Actual fuckin’ years.
It’s like you were never not there.
What was life without you?

My mind is filled with memories these days.
Flashes of our beginning, like CUT TO’s on a film script.
You kissed me.
Without fear, without reason, without logic.
A shock. A freeze in time. A very unplanned reaction.
And yes, a desire mutually yearned for.
A throbbing that changed the trajectory of our lives forever.

Hastily running back into your building, knocking on your apartment door — again, logic out the window —
I stood there naked, unsure, oh-so scared, bliss cells thrilling through my body.
Heart holding fort.
Mind in the corner with piercing eyes, “This will end badly,” it warns.
We kiss again.

Continue reading “always you”

first time ever


Two girls, autumn day, tea to go.

“So, I got crazy people living in my building and there’s this one woman who’s always throwing me shade. I’ve done nothing to her and yet, she looks like she’s ready to pounce on me.

And I’ve been reading up on the Trump-disaster this week and there’s this one journalist who talks about not getting bullied. Let’s not get bullied America, we will stand against it.

Well, that came into play for me yesterday — I see this woman from my building and for the first time, for the first time ever, I walked up to her and said, “Hello.” She huffed and looked away. And then I stood my ground and faced her, I asked, “Have I done something to you?” The woman looked at me with a kind of indignation and says, “Yeah, you fucked my husband.” I don’t even know who her husband is.

That’s not the point, I know this lady is not fully there, she’s taking some kind of heavy medication. That’s not the point. The point is, I stood my ground! I walked towards discomfort and fear and the Unknown and I faced it. That journalist is right. Trump can’t bully us and we can also see where we’re getting bullied on the everyday level and practice there.

It’s been on my mind a lot.”



the lowest hanging fruit


It’s inevitable.
It happpens ALL THE TIME.
And yet, it’s always news to us. It’s shocking, it’s disconcerting, it’s not what we anticipated.

Well, what did we anticipate? The ever-repeating known?

Change is hard.
It’s the “Don’t touch that piece of cake, you’re on a roll” and the “Stay positive and trust, damn it!”
Change is growth is change is growth is change is growth.

But yet, there’s a kind of preparation to it.
A kind of planning but then not.

It’s not waiting.
It’s not swaying in the wind.
It’s not trying to stomp it out. Well, we can’t.

Continue reading “the lowest hanging fruit”

time keeper

Frozen in Time

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can’t.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored.

Birds are not late.
A dog does not check its watch.
Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.
Man alone chimes the hour.
And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.

A fear of time running out.

Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper

the first step is a bitch

FADE IN: Claire and Brian.

“Ok…how do we do this?” she asks.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just, it’s a lot.”

“Yeah. We knew that already.”

“I guess. It’s just, overwhelming.”

“Well, we begin with one step.”

She looks over there, “I wonder how they got started.”

Continue reading “the first step is a bitch”

i can’t stop thinking about this

The previews for Manchester by the Sea tells you you’re in for a good thing.
And boy does it deliver.

Kenneth Lonergan, a theatre junkie, known for writing plays such as This is Our Youth and The Starry Messenger; as well as Hollywood stuff including Margaret, Gangs of New York, Analyze That, etc., is brilliant and real and honest and raw.

Manchester by the Sea is no different to his other works. A story exploring the fine delicate onion-like layers of grief, with all the rich flavors that make you laugh and weep at the same time.

Casey Affleck plays Lee Chandler, a down-on-his-luck handyman who mostly survives doing janitorial work around town. A divorced man of few words, Lee plugs along in life without much joy or exertion.

But when his older brother dies of a heart attack, he’s suddenly thrust into a situation he seems especially ill-equipped to handle, the raising of his brother’s 16-year-old son Patrick (Lucas Hedges), a sweet actor who immediately warms your heart. However, Michelle Williams wins my heart. Her work in this movie is gripping and chokes you with awe. What an actress, a true hero of mine. So real, so thorough, so emotional volatile.

Continue reading “i can’t stop thinking about this”