mud + water

So, there’s water:

Paying bills
Scheduling
Flight arrangements
Being on time
Bank deposits
Answering emails
Juggling events
Clearing the To Do list
Work shifts
Laundry, cleaning, groceries, exercise.

These are fluid, easy, fast — measurable tasks I can do with my eyes closed.
They take 80% of the day, so that muscle has been flexed and conditioned.
They are no-brainers.

At times…
They can feel like my identity.
They can feel like, “I should go into ____ because I’m really good at ____.”
They can feel good on the bad days, “Well, at least I can do ____.”
They can feel safe.

And then there’s mud:

Continue reading “mud + water”

5 things about Liza [Pt. 2]

lizafernandez

I struggle with finding balance in my life — work, creating, exercising, hanging out, spending time with loved ones, being. I can get myself down about it.

I am AWFUL at hanging out. I have no idea what to do.

I am a great listener and sometimes I get lost in listening, which is fine until I walk away and there’s this soft voice inside my heart that says, “You weren’t heard.”

I fear I’ll end up a producer because I’m good at it.

I have lots of acquaintances and few friends.

 

Missed part 1?

dear liza, from curious

Hi Liza!
My name is Curious.
We’ve met a few times but you tend to forget my name, lol.
All good.
It’s so lovely to see you!
You look great.
I hear such wonderful things about your comings and goings.

A little about me.
I love discovering, attempting, dancing, laughing, rain, food.
I love the way the sun falls on everything, how light dances before our very eyes every minute of the day.
I can spend hours on that.
I love naps, quiet, Sunday afternoons, stillness, the sound of the waves crashing.
I love 6am wake-ups when the place is for yourself and to yourself.

Continue reading “dear liza, from curious”

promise me

nellyrosafernandez

A conversation with my mom about growing up in Chile (from a while ago):

“Don’t promise me you’ll be there. Just do it. You know how many times we asked America to help us? We read they would. We saw pictures that they would. No one helped us.

I worked at a telephone company, you know the old plugs in? You plug this one to that one and it connects you? Your father would wait for me each evening to walk me home because there’d been some not-so-good stories about a couple of other girls. One I hadn’t seen in a while; the other, Carmen, well, it had been days since her attack. She wouldn’t take our calls or visits.

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5 things about Liza [Pt 1]

lizafernandez

I am shy.

I try really hard to speak louder yet I still get the “Excuse me” or “What was that?”

I am a big mind-and-body geek — I wanna find true balance and it’s a daily challenge.

I prefer snacks.

I find it scary to pick up the phone and speak to a human being so just before I do, I say out loud, “Come on Liza, just do it.”

boom poem for lover [circa 2010]

img_5222He’s quite the badass.
He’s a rebel and he’s the too cool for school.
He’s behind the crowd, he’s the slow walker, he’s the leader of the pack without trying to be.
He’s the sage and the delinquent in one.
He’s the joker, the enigma, the shadow, and then also the ray that seeps in slowly, ever so slowly, before blasting up the room.

Oh, the ever present, Sun. The Son.

He walks into a space and, “All Hail Caesar!”
But he doesn’t like that.
Maybe he doesn’t hear it?
Could be that he tries to ignore it.
I mean, come on, it’s only natural.
Stupid me, should’ve known.

Continue reading “boom poem for lover [circa 2010]”

vada | ancestors

Do I belong here?

A familiar question through the years.
If I’m not accepted by the powers that be, do I belong here?
Liz Gilbert raises the question, “Who in your family felt they belonged?”
Felt they were worthy enough to be invited to the party?
The women in my life are small towny folk, most living in rural parts of Chile.
Most of them caked in gossip distraction, hard work and getting by on the paycheck.

They are also kind people..
Will cook for you
Will laugh with you
Will cry with you
But if you do one wrong in their eyes, beware of the gossip train.

Aunt Carmen wanted to be a hairdresser, she was an entrepreneur, she started her own salon from scratch in the comfort of her family’s home.
She’s now in her 60s.
Aunt Mary started a job with the Municipality years ago as an assistant. Now in her 40s, she’s the Executive Assistant, and salivating for retirement that looms in the distance.
Both are single.
Both hate men.
Both love drama.

Continue reading “vada | ancestors”