The day has come.
My man returns.
Like a marathoner, I have ripped through the silk ribbon finale.
Ok, now give me my medallion.
The fear of going at this kid alone.
The fear of having to entertain, maintain, and remain a diligent parent –
The fear of him take, take, taking from me –
It lives larger in my head.
When are you gonna realize, he’s a good boy.
A kind, generous, loving, boy.
No high maintenance here.
And yet, I keep thinking he’ll take, take, take from me.
Continue reading “take take take”
I ache for silence.
I yearn for space, for quiet.
The A/C blares, this’ll help for now.
I push the Creator up and out, write!
Hurray! We don’t have time.
An old voice.
Late night indecision based on waiting up for love and hoping to finish that podcast.
Jackie, quiet and sleepy.
Thank God. I feel tension release when I see this.
Continue reading “explode like a motherfucker”
They still have one at the Helsinki airport.
No one in the lounge seems particularly happy to be there. Perhaps they enjoyed smoking when they first started, but now, it sure looks like they realize that it’s expensive, unhealthy and a bit of a hassle. Something they feel compelled to do.
The thing is, there are a few people near the lounge busy checking their phones, and they seem just as unhappy about what they’re doing.
I wonder when we’re going to start building social media lounges?
Our lives have been usurped. It’s like a hostage feeling. We are exhausted. Seven weeks of dealing with a baby that doesn’t speak our language.
Seven weeks of making him the priority.
Seven weeks of our priorities being revoked.
Seven weeks of isolation.
Seven weeks of hard training. For both dog and human.
Love has gotten sick.
I had a panic attack yesterday.
We are not happy right now.
Why is this so hard?
We moved to the beach to have a better life — bike rides, dinners out, hangouts, more yoga, friends around.
Now we feel old and unhappy; by 8p we want to crawl up and sleep.
Art has taken a backseat.
It kills me.
It’s breaking my heart.
Something has got to change.
Something has got to give.
I need perspective.
I need some clarity.
I need a massage.
Jackie the dog…was brought to the ashram when he was very young. He never mixed with other dogs, nor did he play much. Instead, he lived the life of a sadhu. He would sit in front of Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] on an orange cloth that had been provided by a devotee and stare intently at Bhagavan’s eye. Because Bhagavan had a lot of love for him, and because he always behaved in such an exemplary fashion, he was always very well looked after… Whenever prasad [food that has been offered to God in a ceremony, then distributed to devotees] was distributed, Jackie would not eat until Bhagavan began to eat his own portion. On such occasions, he would watch Bhagavan’s face intently. As soon as Bhagavan put a morsel into his mouth, Jackie would start to eat his own portion.
I remember one incident concerning Jackie that occurred while Bhagavan was sitting by the well, surrounded by devotees. Jackie was sitting with the devotees, looking intently at Bhagavan, when a stray dog entered the ashram through the back gate. Jackie, distracted by the newcomer, began to bark.
Bhagavan gently chided him by saying, ‘You just close your eyes. You just close your eyes. You just close your eyes. If you do this you will not be able to see the dog.’
Jackie obeyed at once but some of the rest of us continued to look at the stray dog.
When I saw what was happening I laughed and remarked, ‘This is a good teaching. It is not only for Jackie, it is for everyone.’
– David Godman from Living by the Words of Bhagavan
You made me what I am today, courage at its best.
You wanted me to know no fear, a cut above the rest.
Not only did I master that, I’ve thrown in loyalty, too.
Look past my eyes into my soul, you know I’d die for you.
I’ll watch your kids, I’ll watch your house.
Your praise will be my crown,
ask what you will-I’ll do my best.
I’ll even be your clown.
But some of you don’t like me, I’m sure I don’t know why.
The only thing I’m guilty of is courage, love, and try.
But still they want to see me go, they want my breed to end.
Will I see you sitting idly by? You, whom I call a friend?
You made me what I am today, you never saw me waiver.
I’ve done my best to keep you safe. Won’t you please return the favor.
– Author Unknown
(but you can learn more about pit bulls here)