I carve this for you

I carve this for you

Monday afternoon in bed.
The sound of lawn being mowed in the distance
The sound of a plane zooming by
Planes make me think of my father
And how time stands still when you look up
The clouds, the moon, butterflies, how light dances for us…

My mind races
I want to do so many things
The list can feel debilitating
And then my dog weighs his head on my lap
His nose prevents me from typing.
Stop, he gently suggests.

Ok
I am making space for you, my dear old friend
Nature, Grace, Divinity.
I am carving it out.
Making space for you to guide me forward, what to do next.
The creative burst that’ll poke its head from around the corner, wooing me to –
Come this way.

Continue reading “I carve this for you”

it’s been a year…

How time flies…
Last year we had an extraordinary, out of the ordinary, holiday season. Check it out below:

home for the holidays

No tree.
No gifts.
No family.
No friends.
No travel.
No holiday food.
No other homes.
No parties.
No guests.
Lots of invitations.

This year we are at home.
This year we welcome a new member to the family so simplicity is key.
This year things are unconventional.

Am I sad? Probably not.
Am I missed? Probably not.
Am I forgotten? Probably not.

Continue reading “it’s been a year…”

take take take

Jackie Robinson

We survived!
The day has come.
My man returns.
Like a marathoner, I have ripped through the silk ribbon finale.
Ok, now give me my medallion.

The fear of going at this kid alone.
The fear of having to entertain, maintain, and remain a diligent parent –
The fear of him take, take, taking from me –
Guess what?

It lives larger in my head.

When are you gonna realize, he’s a good boy.
A kind, generous, loving, boy.
No high maintenance here.
And yet.
And yet, I keep thinking he’ll take, take, take from me.

Continue reading “take take take”

explode like a motherfucker

explode like a motherfucker

I ache for silence.
I yearn for space, for quiet.
The A/C blares, this’ll help for now.
I push the Creator up and out, write!
Hurray! We don’t have time.
An old voice.

Headache.
Late night indecision based on waiting up for love and hoping to finish that podcast.
Jackie, quiet and sleepy.
Thank God. I feel tension release when I see this.

Continue reading “explode like a motherfucker”

The smoking lounge

They still have one at the Helsinki airport.

No one in the lounge seems particularly happy to be there. Perhaps they enjoyed smoking when they first started, but now, it sure looks like they realize that it’s expensive, unhealthy and a bit of a hassle. Something they feel compelled to do.

The thing is, there are a few people near the lounge busy checking their phones, and they seem just as unhappy about what they’re doing.

I wonder when we’re going to start building social media lounges?

__
Seth Godin

seven weeks

FADE IN:

Our lives have been usurped. It’s like a hostage feeling. We are exhausted. Seven weeks of dealing with a baby that doesn’t speak our language.
Seven weeks of making him the priority.
Seven weeks of our priorities being revoked.
Seven weeks of isolation.
Seven weeks of hard training. For both dog and human.

Love has gotten sick.
I had a panic attack yesterday.
We are not happy right now.
Why is this so hard?
We moved to the beach to have a better life — bike rides, dinners out, hangouts, more yoga, friends around.
Now we feel old and unhappy; by 8p we want to crawl up and sleep.

Art has taken a backseat.
It kills me.
It’s breaking my heart.
It’s true.

Something has got to change.
Something has got to give.
I need perspective.
I need some clarity.
I need a massage.