the path

the path

HE: I just got back!

SHE: Ah! Beirut! How was it?

HE: Insane, four long months, but so much fun.

SHE: I can only imagine. How was New Mexico?!

HE: Soooo good, great to see the fam. It’s been a minute.

SHE: Aw, that’s so good. Tell me all about Beirut!

She looks at him, through him, in awe.
She eases her envious heart by recalling their conversation from a year ago:

“Build references you’re going to need them. How? Do everything you can think of Now. Before you get busy, before the work comes in hard and heavy, before it all changes.
Go to museums, listen to music, fuck everyone, try every kind of food. Do it all, but all the while: keep. going.
Cuz suddenly, it goes from some times to all the time, and then your schedule is booked 2 years in advance.”

Trust.
Faith.
Stay on the path.

animals

549141_642796145737726_801949160_n.jpgIt’s like the zoo when we watch animals.
Observing their natural behavior, well, as natural as you can get in a zoo.
She’s beautiful.
Fit, pleasant to look at.
She arouses.

Saturday morning
And I know what she must be thinking.
It’s swirling in her head like thick butter.
The, “Why did I do that?!” to the, “Well, that’s me.”
Yup, you’re right.
And we are all watching.
You gave us no other choice.

She’s not malicious.
She’s not intentionally doing it.
It’s in her nature.
Like an animal.

I imagine her sending texts to everyone, “Thank you soooooo much!!!!”
Too many ooooooo and too many “!!!!!”
Too many and yet not enough to cleanse away that… hiccup? Step back? Mistake?

Life goes on, habits play out, the story hasn’t ended.
All in natural form.
Like animals in a zoo.

pretEnd

pretEnd

I pretend life is perfect
Always popping pot
In my parking lot
I swear when I think life aint fair
I don’t really cry, when I die
I don’t want anyone to cry

Waking up every morning not knowing
If ima Iive or die today
Coming out my pad bumping
Live or die in LA
I live in the present ’cause it’s a gift to be appreciated
Because suicide is so overrated
From rope hugs to heavy drugs
I understand and I know god has a plan
For everybody nice or naughty

Robe Tomas, Before There Were Bars, POPS The Club

wiggle room

wiggle room

FADE IN:

So…I’m leaving in a month, and I cannot take my clients with me.

What? That’s insane.

In order to graduate, I need to also work with teenagers so I’m moving to another facility full time.

Wait. Slow down. What’s going on?

I’m leaving. And I can’t take you with me.

This seems really sudden. How long have you known about this?

What are you feeling right now, what is this bringing up?

Claire, have you known about this for a while?

[beat]

Would it have changed anything?

Yes! Damn straight. Your decisions affect us, they affect me. Regardless of building boundaries between client and therapist – I’m in your life. And you left me in the dark.

I asked my superiors when should I tell my clients and they advised me to tell them a month in advance.

Well, your superiors suck. We are not numbers or statistics, we are human beings and each week we come here and pour our hearts to you. I would’ve preferred if you had told me when you made that decision.

I understand. Please know I care about our relationship a lot.

Yeah well. Your actions tell me otherwise.

Why do you say that?

You’re leaving! And with no wiggle room. Zero options. Zip, nada.

When was the last time you’ve felt like this?

Don’t do that. I have every right to say this sucks right now.

You’re right.

[beat]

Would it have made a difference?

I don’t know.

We still have three weeks to process.

You mean three hours.

I wanted to tell you last week.

Ok, we would’ve had four hours then.
I don’t know if we should continue, whether we should keep talking. I mean, there’s an expiration date.

Yes. Please know I would like to.

I mean, I asked you at the beginning if your status was temporary and you said no.

I couldn’t predict the future.

[beat]

I think the one month notice is for normal therapists. But you are exceptional. Your clients deserve at least two months.

[tears]

FADE OUT.

The Triumph of ‘Wonder Woman’

The Triumph of Wonder Woman

The box office has made its ruling, and the verdict is clear. You can’t keep a wonderful woman down.

“Wonder Woman,” which opened this weekend, is a mammoth hit, meeting the most optimistic expectations and setting up its director, Patty Jenkins, for a place in the record books. It’s on track to earn between $90 and $105 million domestically by Monday morning, according to industry projections. That’s the best debut ever for a movie directed by a woman.

My colleague Maureen Dowd explored this stark gender disparity in a cover story for The Times’s magazine in late 2015, noting that in the previous two years, “women were only 1.9 percent of the directors for the 100 top-grossing films.”

“Excluding their art-house divisions, the six major studios released only three movies last year with a female director,” Dowd added, referring to 2014.

And since then? According to The Hollywood Reporter, women represented 9 percent of the directors of the 250 top-grossing movies domestically in 2015 and just 7 percent last year.

“Wonder Woman” is an important challenge to that unconscionable imbalance. It’s an equally important step toward more big-screen portrayals of female characters as strong, independent leaders. There’s been some improvement on that front, perhaps best exemplified by “The Hunger Games” franchise, but in the realm of superheroes, women have continued to lag far behind, as I noted in a column in late 2013 about how often a “Wonder Woman” movie had been contemplated, how long the wait for it was turning out to be, and how determined Hollywood was to mint new male superheroes in the meantime.

The producer, director and writer Ryan Murphy is championing female directors through a resolve to give at least 50 percent of the directing jobs on his television series — which include “American Crime Story,” “American Horror Story” and “Feud ”— to women, people of color or L.G.B.T. people. The first season of “Feud,” which explored the relationship between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, wasn’t simply fantastic; it was one of the sharpest, most painful examinations ever of how brutally and reductively so many women are treated as they grow older, particularly in Hollywood. The lineup of Sunday-night television that “Feud” was a part of also included “Girls,” “Big Little Lies” and more: a trove of meaty, juicy roles for actresses of all ages.

Sofia Coppola just won the best director prize at Cannes, for her movie “The Beguiled,” becoming only the second woman to nab that award. It’s ridiculous that there have only been two. But two is a whole lot better than one.

And now here’s “Wonder Woman,” proving that magical bracelets can have the same power — both on the battlefield and at the box office — as a flashy codpiece. She’s fresher than any “Batman” of late and fiercer than any “Superman” of recent vintage, but she’s lonely. May her sorority expand, and fast.

Read the full New York Times article here.

who cares

Who gives a fuck?
What for?
What experience do you seek?
It’s been too long.
There’s a gap.
You’re on the other side of it.

Really? Why?
Move on.
You’re late.
You never arrived.
Everything everyone says is true.
Listen to them.

Stop while you’re ahead.
The market is saturated.
Oh my god, there you go again.
Let it go.
That’s not you.

It was a stupid idea, anyway.
It didn’t have legs.
You’re not ready.
That someone else’s idea, that’s already happened.

Forgot that shit, let’s do something fun.
Let’s go out.
Let’s go get a drink.
I wanna binge watch that show.
You have to come with me.
This is better.

the double life

I know about things

I am a new person, I may not be the smartest, but I know what’s right for me. I know my value.

I know the feeling of being alone
I know how it feels to have your heart broken
I know how it feels to lose a parent mentally
I know the feeling of always watching your back from every angle
I know the feeling of being handcuffed — being shoved into a cop car and being treated like a criminal
I know the feeling when you feel the rush in your fists and face but step back because you know what you are capable of doing
I know the feeling of carrying drugs in your backpack and hoping you won’t get caught
I know the feeling of having your own mother cry, and you’re the reason why
I know the feeling of punching the wall
I know the feeling of crying at night and picking yourself up the next day and pretending nothing ever happened
I know the feeling of hopping over the fence fearing either you will get your jeans caught or be chased down
I know the feeling of hitting rock bottom.
I know the feeling of living that double life.

__
Excerpt: I Put My Life Together by Katherine Secaida from Before There Were Bars, POPS The Club