first meet

first meet

I can hear my heart beating.
I can hear myself laughing at his jokes.
I can smell the curly fries from Jack in the Box as we walk to my house
I can feel our hands shaking, as if we were very nervous.
Oh, wait… we are.
It’s the first time he’s coming over for dinner with my family.
I open the gate to my house, slowly and lead him in.
As I slam the gate, leaves fall down from the tree as if like snow; but sadly, it doesn’t snow in LA.
We stop and turn to each other when we arrive at the door.
I can hear my breathing.
I can feel him shaking.
I look into his eyes and say to him, “Ready?”
From where we’re standing I can hear them laughing from the other side of the door.
I squeeze his hand and he squeezes mine.
I pen the door, as I walk in first.
I smell the sweet apples that are in the basket beside the entrance.
And it started with a “hello.”

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First Meet by Angela Hernandez from Before There Were Bars, POPS The Club

the double life

I know about things

I am a new person, I may not be the smartest, but I know what’s right for me. I know my value.

I know the feeling of being alone
I know how it feels to have your heart broken
I know how it feels to lose a parent mentally
I know the feeling of always watching your back from every angle
I know the feeling of being handcuffed — being shoved into a cop car and being treated like a criminal
I know the feeling when you feel the rush in your fists and face but step back because you know what you are capable of doing
I know the feeling of carrying drugs in your backpack and hoping you won’t get caught
I know the feeling of having your own mother cry, and you’re the reason why
I know the feeling of punching the wall
I know the feeling of crying at night and picking yourself up the next day and pretending nothing ever happened
I know the feeling of hopping over the fence fearing either you will get your jeans caught or be chased down
I know the feeling of hitting rock bottom.
I know the feeling of living that double life.

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Excerpt: I Put My Life Together by Katherine Secaida from Before There Were Bars, POPS The Club

who are we seeking to become?

We get what we invest in. The time we spend comes back, with interest.

If you practice five minutes of new, difficult banjo music every day, you’ll become a better banjo player. If you spend a little bit more time each day whining or feeling ashamed, that behavior will become part of you. The words you type, the people you hang with, the media you consume…

The difference between who you are now and who you were five years ago is largely due to how you’ve spent your time along the way.

The habits we groove become who we are, one minute at a time. A small thing, repeated, is not a small thing.

[And the same thing is true for brands, organizations and movements.]

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Seth Godin

to be heard

Do your homework.

Show up with contributions and connections long before you bring your opinion.

Save the snark for later.

Pay your dues.

Speak up about shared truths, shared principles and shared goals.

Don’t blame the ref only when the call is against you.

Reflect back what you believe the other person is trying to say before you disagree with it.

If you want to persuade on the merits, avoid joining the threatening mob.

Convert six people before you try to convert sixty.

Tell true stories.

– Seth Godin

she creeps

There’s a break in the chain in every once in a while.
A sudden “Oh no!”
I loose the feel of the ground, of my surroundings, that I’m being held.
“Maybe life forgot me,” I say to him, cradled in his arms.
“What are you talking about? Look at your amazing life,” he says.
“You’re right,” I say, my head held with shame. Stupid voices.
“You have so much abundance in your life: you got love, a great home, a great dog; you got health, you got it all.”
I nod to him, he’s so right. “I know. It’s an old voice creeping in.”

I get scared sometimes.
I hold on, I grip, I forget that I’m not in control.
It’s an old habit that creeps in every once in a while.
When does it visit me?
When things are quiet. And still. And steady.
When everything is as it is.
When I’m relaxed, at ease and simply happy, and then suddenly I grip —
“I need more,” says my fear as it creeps in.

Am I doing enough? No.
Can I be doing more? Yes.
Or not.

Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Liza Fernandez