dear jackie

dear jackie
Dear Jackie,

I’m parked and looking over a park
Man, you would love this one
I’ll have to bring you here sometime.
I am exhaling a deep sigh,
Taking a breather. From you.

Listen buddy,
I know I can be an ass. I know that my patience runs thin and I get into my moods.
I know I’m snippety and judgemental and can work from primary colors
I know you know I’m only human (thank god)
And I appreciate that you still come to me when I call (thank you)

You will never get this since we removed your testicles,
but it’s hard being a parent, man.
No matter how much shit I’ve dealt with, there’s still so much more.
And I’m only human.
I. Am. Only. Human.
My imperfections can have scary faces and ugly temperaments (even to me)

Being a parent means being a better version of myself
And sometimes I don’t want to do that.
Sometimes I want to be the ‘youngen,’ the child, the receiver.
I want to chuck tantrums and throw all responsibility out the window
Every single piece of it.

Since we’re being honest,
there are days when all I want to do is crawl into a black hole and let sleep whisk me away
Well, I know you get that, you’re a master at sleep
There are days when my bigger Self, my better Self, has left the building
You feel this, I feel this.
And what remains is the adolescent, defiant, stubborn, angry little self,
That still has work to do.

So, I ask you to bear with me
I ask for some space to learn
I ask for some kindness and forgiveness and time.
The same things you ask of me, I guess.

We’re a team.
We’re in this together.
Through thick and thin, as they say.
I don’t like promises
but here’s one that fits,
I won’t stop working at our love.

Liza Fernandez

Author: pizzaslices

Liza is an actor and co-creator of Subway Token Films, a film production company that captures Street Level Miracles through films. That is, moments in our lives when the story as we know it stops, the lens is pulled back and something more expansive is revealed to us. Liza has won awards and audiences alike for her portrayals of the immigrant story on stage and film. She lives in New York City and Los Angeles with her partner, actor Felix Solis.