I thought I was over it.
It’s been years.
But, it’s not like it’s been years and I didn’t do shit about it.
No, I processed.
I grieved, lost my way, found the map and got back on the path.
(like a machine?)
I don’t want to cry, I tell her.
Like she’s expecting me to.
“That’s ok! You don’t have to. It’ll find its way up.”
(my jaw tightens)
No, but that’s the thing.
This ain’t my first time at the rodeo.
I’ve balled, girl.
Slobbered, face distorted and all kinds of ugly.
(I’m getting tired)
She looks at me.
I’m trying to stay open.
“My mind is a wide open door “, I tell myself –
I stare back at her.
I can feel my body like mud. Like quicksand,
it wants to crawl to the nearest corner, hoping there’s a pillow to escape into.
(can we stop?)
This stops me in my tracks.
How about I meet you?
How about I lie down next to you, to hang out.
No strings attached.
’til you’re ready.