animals

549141_642796145737726_801949160_n.jpgIt’s like the zoo when we watch animals.
Observing their natural behavior, well, as natural as you can get in a zoo.
She’s beautiful.
Fit, pleasant to look at.
She arouses.

Saturday morning
And I know what she must be thinking.
It’s swirling in her head like thick butter.
The, “Why did I do that?!” to the, “Well, that’s me.”
Yup, you’re right.
And we are all watching.
You gave us no other choice.

She’s not malicious.
She’s not intentionally doing it.
It’s in her nature.
Like an animal.

I imagine her sending texts to everyone, “Thank you soooooo much!!!!”
Too many ooooooo and too many “!!!!!”
Too many and yet not enough to cleanse away that… hiccup? Step back? Mistake?

Life goes on, habits play out, the story hasn’t ended.
All in natural form.
Like animals in a zoo.

see what happens next

two-men-sitting-on-a-scaffold-overlooking-manhattan-nat-herz.jpg

A: Five years, man.

B: I get it.

A: My longest job ever.

B: I’ve never stuck around anywhere for 5 years.

A: You see what I mean?

B: Yeah dude.

A: I’m feeling things.

A: There’s, like, space now. Inside.

B: Uh-huh.

A: Like. I don’t know what’s coming next. And that scares me.

B: Maybe you don’t have to.

A: Do what?

B: Do something.

A: Yeah. But. Nothing’ll come otherwise. I’ll be forgotten.

B [laughs]: Says who?

A: Me.

B [laughs]: Who’ll forget you?

A: Everyone.

B: No one remembers you now, dude!

A: Shuttup.

[B laughs]

B: Space is good, man. Don’t fill it just ‘cuz. See what happens next.

FADE OUT.

July full buck moon

full buck moon

The Full Moons have descriptive names that come from Native Americans and Colonial Americans who used the Full Moons as a sort of calendar to keep track of the seasons.
July is the month of the Full Buck Moon. At this time, a buck’s antlers are in full growth mode. This Full Moon was also known as the Thunder Moon because thunderstorms are so frequent during this month.

Ok, Buck Moon, here goes:

I let go of rigidness.

I let go of absolute certainty.

I let go of natural diasters out of my control.

I cultivate celebrating the Unknown.

I cultivate resilience.

I cultivate embracing the journey.

Your turn.
Liza Fernandez

shapeshifter

Hourglass Shapeshifter

I’ve been waiting for what feels like, days.
How time is eternal, and what a shape-shifter.
Did I hurt you?
Was it bad timing?
Do you hate me?
Has all of this time become for naught?

I wait.
You on my mind. All day.
My heart is in anticipation.
Making up a multitude of endings.
She will say this.
No, she will yell.
No, she will ignore me forever.

You have carved your name on these last 5 years.
Five years…
The longest I’ve ever had.
I hope it hurts.
I hope I’ve made a dent.
I hope you tear up like I did.

An hour glass.
Delicate. Smash. Cut.
Hold me.
I am afraid.
I am excited.
I am waiting for this chapter to end.
Please be Grace. Please be Glorious.

on freedom

on freedom

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. Confined to a small cell without a bed or plumbing, he was forced to do hard labor in a quarry. He could write and receive a letter once every six months, and once a year he was allowed to meet with a visitor for only 30 minutes.

After his release, he said: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

__
Light Watkins

church

What is your church?

It’s weird when I have Time.
Real Time.
Honest-to-goodness space.
It’s like the day takes longer to work out.
“Work out,” God. It’s like I’m solving a math quiz.
I can’t switch off the active brain, the workhorse brain.
How about this: the day takes longer to evolve and take shape.
Suddenly space gives me Freedom.
Like, wha?
Freedom to choose (imagine that),
To choose what I want to do with myself, this moment, my purpose.
Yeah, those kinda thoughts.

Suddenly, sitting down with my dog is Acceptable.
Letting myself daze and doze off, is Inviting.
Kicking up my feet and chilling is the Norm.

What do you worship?
What do you spend most of your time/energy/resources on?
What God do you bow to?
Is it the God of work, television, working out, hanging out with friends, doing nothing?
Is it the God of negative thoughts, self-deprecating humor, desperation, competition?
What’s your church?

On days like this, it makes me think real thoughts. Important evolutionary ones.
I could get used to this…

a solid goodbye

a solid goodbye

Feel from the inside, she tells me.
Dive in.
It may mean breathing differently.
Close the door from the world and give it a few seconds longer to “log in”.
Stop from feeling through the mind, that doesn’t work.
Feel from the inside.
The guts, your innards.

She’s leaving me.
I definitely feel that.
The heart aches, the mind ever-so proud, the revenge pulsates.
But what for? And who cares?
Nothing changes what’s to come, she’s leaving me.

Stop being so dramatic.

These last 2 years have been beyond my expectations.
She’s taught me so much, I am a better person because of her.
Come on, give her the gift of a solid goodbye.
One that doesn’t require worry,
One that doesn’t take our relationship and truncates it in her mind, like cancer.
But instead one blossoms her heart open. Cracks it far and wide.
That she may think of me in the future with joy and pride.

Throw out the toxicity.
Leave this connection a better person.
At least for her.