she creeps

There’s a break in the chain in every once in a while.
A sudden “Oh no!”
I loose the feel of the ground, of my surroundings, that I’m being held.
“Maybe life forgot me,” I say to him, cradled in his arms.
“What are you talking about? Look at your amazing life,” he says.
“You’re right,” I say, my head held with shame. Stupid voices.
“You have so much abundance in your life: you got love, a great home, a great dog; you got health, you got it all.”
I nod to him, he’s so right. “I know. It’s an old voice creeping in.”

I get scared sometimes.
I hold on, I grip, I forget that I’m not in control.
It’s an old habit that creeps in every once in a while.
When does it visit me?
When things are quiet. And still. And steady.
When everything is as it is.
When I’m relaxed, at ease and simply happy, and then suddenly I grip —
“I need more,” says my fear as it creeps in.

Am I doing enough? No.
Can I be doing more? Yes.
Or not.

Liza Fernandez

Author: pizzaslices

Liza is an actor and co-creator of Subway Token Films, a film production company that captures Street Level Miracles through films. That is, moments in our lives when the story as we know it stops, the lens is pulled back and something more expansive is revealed to us. Liza has won awards and audiences alike for her portrayals of the immigrant story on stage and film. She lives in New York City and Los Angeles with her partner, actor Felix Solis.