mud + water

So, there’s water:

Paying bills
Flight arrangements
Being on time
Bank deposits
Answering emails
Juggling events
Clearing the To Do list
Work shifts
Laundry, cleaning, groceries, exercise.

These are fluid, easy, fast — measurable tasks I can do with my eyes closed.
They take 80% of the day, so that muscle has been flexed and conditioned.
They are no-brainers.

At times…
They can feel like my identity.
They can feel like, “I should go into ____ because I’m really good at ____.”
They can feel good on the bad days, “Well, at least I can do ____.”
They can feel safe.

And then there’s mud:

Blank page
New project
Waking up early to do something for ME
Bringing a character to life
Mapping the body of a script – beats, intentions, physicality, etc.
Learning something new
Learning lines
Keeping the channel between Magic and Me clear of doubt, envy, fear.
Nope. That’s a lie, more like keeping all that shit AT BAY.

Mud is like lava; hot and difficult to tread
I must slow down to download the inspirations and tap in
I must make space for the process
Like eyes closed shut and head bowing to heart for direction.
Logic is removed like a helmet placed on the other side of the room.

Keep going.

And then suddenly, like a soft intentional breeze…
Creativity walks in.
Takes a seat in the corner, smiles her trickster smile, and begins to play with me.

Author: pizzaslices

Liza is an actor and co-creator of Subway Token Films, a film production company that captures Street Level Miracles through films. That is, moments in our lives when the story as we know it stops, the lens is pulled back and something more expansive is revealed to us. Liza has won awards and audiences alike for her portrayals of the immigrant story on stage and film. She lives in New York City and Los Angeles with her partner, actor Felix Solis.