mud + water

So, there’s water:

Paying bills
Scheduling
Flight arrangements
Being on time
Bank deposits
Answering emails
Juggling events
Clearing the To Do list
Work shifts
Laundry, cleaning, groceries, exercise.

These are fluid, easy, fast — measurable tasks I can do with my eyes closed.
They take 80% of the day, so that muscle has been flexed and conditioned.
They are no-brainers.

At times…
They can feel like my identity.
They can feel like, “I should go into ____ because I’m really good at ____.”
They can feel good on the bad days, “Well, at least I can do ____.”
They can feel safe.

And then there’s mud:

Blank page
New project
Waking up early to do something for ME
Bringing a character to life
Mapping the body of a script – beats, intentions, physicality, etc.
Learning something new
Learning lines
Keeping the channel between Magic and Me clear of doubt, envy, fear.
Nope. That’s a lie, more like keeping all that shit AT BAY.

Mud is like lava; hot and difficult to tread
I must slow down to download the inspirations and tap in
I must make space for the process
Like eyes closed shut and head bowing to heart for direction.
Logic is removed like a helmet placed on the other side of the room.

Patience.
Stillness.
Quiet.
Keep going.

And then suddenly, like a soft intentional breeze…
Creativity walks in.
Takes a seat in the corner, smiles her trickster smile, and begins to play with me.