July full buck moon

full buck moon

The Full Moons have descriptive names that come from Native Americans and Colonial Americans who used the Full Moons as a sort of calendar to keep track of the seasons.
July is the month of the Full Buck Moon. At this time, a buck’s antlers are in full growth mode. This Full Moon was also known as the Thunder Moon because thunderstorms are so frequent during this month.

Ok, Buck Moon, here goes:

I let go of rigidness.

I let go of absolute certainty.

I let go of natural diasters out of my control.

I cultivate celebrating the Unknown.

I cultivate resilience.

I cultivate embracing the journey.

Your turn.
Liza Fernandez

shapeshifter

Hourglass Shapeshifter

I’ve been waiting for what feels like, days.
How time is eternal, and what a shape-shifter.
Did I hurt you?
Was it bad timing?
Do you hate me?
Has all of this time become for naught?

I wait.
You on my mind. All day.
My heart is in anticipation.
Making up a multitude of endings.
She will say this.
No, she will yell.
No, she will ignore me forever.

You have carved your name on these last 5 years.
Five years…
The longest I’ve ever had.
I hope it hurts.
I hope I’ve made a dent.
I hope you tear up like I did.

An hour glass.
Delicate. Smash. Cut.
Hold me.
I am afraid.
I am excited.
I am waiting for this chapter to end.
Please be Grace. Please be Glorious.

on freedom

on freedom

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. Confined to a small cell without a bed or plumbing, he was forced to do hard labor in a quarry. He could write and receive a letter once every six months, and once a year he was allowed to meet with a visitor for only 30 minutes.

After his release, he said: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

__
Light Watkins

church

What is your church?

It’s weird when I have Time.
Real Time.
Honest-to-goodness space.
It’s like the day takes longer to work out.
“Work out,” God. It’s like I’m solving a math quiz.
I can’t switch off the active brain, the workhorse brain.
How about this: the day takes longer to evolve and take shape.
Suddenly space gives me Freedom.
Like, wha?
Freedom to choose (imagine that),
To choose what I want to do with myself, this moment, my purpose.
Yeah, those kinda thoughts.

Suddenly, sitting down with my dog is Acceptable.
Letting myself daze and doze off, is Inviting.
Kicking up my feet and chilling is the Norm.

What do you worship?
What do you spend most of your time/energy/resources on?
What God do you bow to?
Is it the God of work, television, working out, hanging out with friends, doing nothing?
Is it the God of negative thoughts, self-deprecating humor, desperation, competition?
What’s your church?

On days like this, it makes me think real thoughts. Important evolutionary ones.
I could get used to this…

a solid goodbye

a solid goodbye

Feel from the inside, she tells me.
Dive in.
It may mean breathing differently.
Close the door from the world and give it a few seconds longer to “log in”.
Stop from feeling through the mind, that doesn’t work.
Feel from the inside.
The guts, your innards.

She’s leaving me.
I definitely feel that.
The heart aches, the mind ever-so proud, the revenge pulsates.
But what for? And who cares?
Nothing changes what’s to come, she’s leaving me.

Stop being so dramatic.

These last 2 years have been beyond my expectations.
She’s taught me so much, I am a better person because of her.
Come on, give her the gift of a solid goodbye.
One that doesn’t require worry,
One that doesn’t take our relationship and truncates it in her mind, like cancer.
But instead one blossoms her heart open. Cracks it far and wide.
That she may think of me in the future with joy and pride.

Throw out the toxicity.
Leave this connection a better person.
At least for her.

pretEnd

pretEnd

I pretend life is perfect
Always popping pot
In my parking lot
I swear when I think life aint fair
I don’t really cry, when I die
I don’t want anyone to cry

Waking up every morning not knowing
If ima Iive or die today
Coming out my pad bumping
Live or die in LA
I live in the present ’cause it’s a gift to be appreciated
Because suicide is so overrated
From rope hugs to heavy drugs
I understand and I know god has a plan
For everybody nice or naughty

Robe Tomas, Before There Were Bars, POPS The Club

wiggle room

wiggle room

FADE IN:

So…I’m leaving in a month, and I cannot take my clients with me.

What? That’s insane.

In order to graduate, I need to also work with teenagers so I’m moving to another facility full time.

Wait. Slow down. What’s going on?

I’m leaving. And I can’t take you with me.

This seems really sudden. How long have you known about this?

What are you feeling right now, what is this bringing up?

Claire, have you known about this for a while?

[beat]

Would it have changed anything?

Yes! Damn straight. Your decisions affect us, they affect me. Regardless of building boundaries between client and therapist – I’m in your life. And you left me in the dark.

I asked my superiors when should I tell my clients and they advised me to tell them a month in advance.

Well, your superiors suck. We are not numbers or statistics, we are human beings and each week we come here and pour our hearts to you. I would’ve preferred if you had told me when you made that decision.

I understand. Please know I care about our relationship a lot.

Yeah well. Your actions tell me otherwise.

Why do you say that?

You’re leaving! And with no wiggle room. Zero options. Zip, nada.

When was the last time you’ve felt like this?

Don’t do that. I have every right to say this sucks right now.

You’re right.

[beat]

Would it have made a difference?

I don’t know.

We still have three weeks to process.

You mean three hours.

I wanted to tell you last week.

Ok, we would’ve had four hours then.
I don’t know if we should continue, whether we should keep talking. I mean, there’s an expiration date.

Yes. Please know I would like to.

I mean, I asked you at the beginning if your status was temporary and you said no.

I couldn’t predict the future.

[beat]

I think the one month notice is for normal therapists. But you are exceptional. Your clients deserve at least two months.

[tears]

FADE OUT.